Wednesday, December 30, 2015
Good Bye 2015, Hello 2016!!

Tomorrow is the last day for 2015. Tahun 2015 ni macam sekejap je. Maybe my life is hectic with both work & personal. We have no maid for the first time so there is no more "me" time at home. balik keje, rushed to take care of the kids & other things at home. There are pro and cons for being maidless ni.. less pening kepala melayan perangai maid, more privacy at home, but in the same time i have no time to do what is needed to do i.e. pumping leesa's EBM during weekend and of course... exhausted! well, not that i'm complaining, but that's the reality. This year, we have a baby in the house. Aleesa Hananni is as comel as her sisters. Muka masing2 sebijik je mase kekecik. She's bright, tak banyak perangai and we love her so much. Apart from having a baby to take care of, life is as usual. we went to Melaka and Perak this year for holidays and had so much fun. the kids were ok though ada jugak masa2 diaorang buat perangai. family wise, nothing much. ada pertambahan family made in London this year. and now mak is in Newcastle to take care of ijas and baby Aqeel Harith.. Just to jot down the memories from out cuti2 Melaka that day.. 22 December 15 - Aleesa Hannani's first birthday. My baby is now a toddler. sayu je tetiba bila mengenangkan i have no baby under 1 year old now. celebrated her birthday at her taska with her teachers and friends. Cooked nasi ayam and baked her steamed moist chocolate cake, decorated by her sisters. it was really nice and puas hati. balik dari taska, ingatkan nak pegi cucuk utk setahun, tapi since leesa tengah selsema, the nurse tak nak cucuk. there goes sejam menunggu kat KKK tu. after that, pegi cabut gigi kakak yang dah bergoyang. am very proud of kakak arissa hannah for her braveness and determination. cool je kene bius kat gusi & cabut gigi tu. hopefully my girls will grow up to become a successful muslimah here and thereafter. Insya Allah, ameeen... 23 December 15 - started out our journey to Malacca after done all the impromptu tasks assigned by mak. arrived malacca around 3-ish and we stopped at restoran asam pedas for late lunch. sedap asam pedas dia.. patutla glemer.. lauk lain pun sedap. after lunch, went to hotel @ Swiss Garden Malacca. punyala ramai orang sampai jalan pun jem and i had to queue for half an hour plus to check in. luckily we got the room yang ok. ingatkan tak sempat dah bebudak ni nak main kolam, tapi ayah dia gagahkan jugak melayan.. so, the sisters went down to the pool while ibu & leesa stayed in the room.. not long after that they came up sebab pool dh nak tutup. went to find the famous roti john in melaka for dinner. ok la roti john tu.. for me it was nice, but hubby tak berapa gemar.. after dinner, went back to hotel to end the day. 24 December 2015 - went to restoran ming huat for breakfast. had ketupat serunding, nasi lemak & roti canai. the foods were ok..after that, started our journey to Muzium Samudera. the place dekat je, tapi sebab jem, lama sangat nak sampai. ended up, hubby parked the car and we walked to the muzium. berpeluh2 satu badan but it was fun. sampai kat muzium tu, the kids were very excited sebab bleh naik "kapal". after visiting the museum, went to find kuih keria antarabangsa. gigih encik hasben beratur for almost an hour for the kuih. ingatkan lepas tu nak beli coconut shake pulak.. tp, melihatkan queue yang sungguh panjang, we decided not to wait. balik hotel bebudak ni terus ajak terjun kolam. tapi ibu dia kejap je berendam sebab aleesa dah biru2 sejuk.. after maghrib, got ready for dinner with kak yatie wtl at restoran london seafood. delicious foods with great companies = the best dinner! After dinner we bid each other goodbyes. Went back to hotel and dozed off. 25 December 2015 – last day in Melaka. Had breakfast in the hotel. After that the kids berendam lagi dalam kolam while ibu & leesa stayed in the room to pack. Checked out from the hotel at 12-ish p.m. went scurrying for lunch as Aqeelah Hani was blue – maybe because of the coldness from the swimming pool plus she was hungry. After lunch baru nampak merah sikit muka dia. Cuak jugak tgk her condition. Went to Zoo Melaka after that. Had a very fun & exhausting 2 hours walk around the zoo. Apart from the usual animals in the zoo, nothing special there. At least we’ve fulfilled our promise to Aqeelah Hani to bring her to the zoo. Bertolak balik ke dengkil after singgah kat R&R Ayer Keroh for dinner and wash up. End of our cuti2 this time. Conclusion for 2015 – everything was OK.. no extreme things happened in this year. Alhamdulillah for the nikmat given, directly and indirectly. For 2016, I really, really, really hope to be a better muslimah, a better person.. oh well.. that is my hope and resolution every year pun.. hahaha.. tapi as of now, tak tercapai2 lagi.. Insya Allah.. I’ll be one.. Welcoming 2016 with new hope.. Rabbi Yassir wa la tu'assir. Rabbi tamim bil khair.

by azellica at 11:52 pm
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Tuesday, January 06, 2015
Welcoming Aleesa Hannani, Goodbye 2014 & Hello 2015!!

Today is 6 January 2015. Aleesa Hannani is 15 days old now. Her EDD is supposed to be yesterday, 5 Jan 15 but as usual, my babies love to grow in my womb. she was 3.8 kg at 37 weeks and if i were to wait until her EDD, i wonder how much is her weight at that time. so, i was induced on 38 week = 22/12/2014, Aleesa Hannani was born, weighing 4 kg.

This time around we decided to deliver at Az-Zahrah, instead of usual An-nur. reason being, dear hubby's company covers everything for maternity at Az-zahrah. I chose dr.Noraini as my Gynae. Met her only twice before the D-day, just utk cukupkan syarat. Alhamdulillah, she had confident in me to deliver 4 kgs baby by normal delivery, just like dr. Kham. After meeting her the first time, we decided to go for induced delivery as my baby is 3.1 kg at 36 weeks. at 37 weeks, baby's weighted 3.8 kg. we chose the date, Monday, 22/12/14.

I was admitted to the hospital at 11 p.m. before that, went to Chan Chinese Muslim restaurant for late dinner. i had to succumb to my apetite before confinement period. so we had shark fin soup, butter prawn, lemon chicken and kailan ikan masin. kenyang makan! after that went to hospital and checked in to room Permai. this time around, since there are 2 toddlers in tow, dear hubby just sent me to the room and after a while, he went home with both Arissa Hannah and Aqeelah Hani. Leaving me alone in the hospital for the first time. at 3 a.m, the midwife came in to insert the medicine to trigger the contraction. i cant move for an hour and after that another nurse came in to do CTG and stuff. though i was sleepy, but i cannot sleep until it was almost 8 a.m. Got up, showered, had breakfast before i knew it, a nurse came in to check the opening. i was 3 cm dilating and they asked me to get ready to go to labour room.

at 11 a.m, walked to labour room while texting dear hubby. in the labour room, i was set to pitocin line, CTG on my tummy and countless times of checking my opening. really hate that part! as usual, at first, mild contractions come and go. i still can talked to my hubby.. still can laugh, smile to the midwife and nurses.. dr. noraini came to check and i was 5 cm dilated. instead of breaking the waterbag, she wanted to let it break by itself. so, nothing being done. waited with the contractions yang makin lama makin sakit.. but still bearable. there was one midwife kept on coming in to check on my condition and kept of asking whether i need any painkiller or not although i told her again and again, i dont need any painkiller. this was not my first born. i know i can bear the pain as i did for the last 2 deliveries. she even mentioned "tak mahal pun kalau nak ubat tu.. rm60 je..".. haish makcik ni!! it was not about mahal or not.. i dont mind paying for epidural if i really want it.. dah la ganas buat keje.. i should have told her, my painkiller is you dont touch me! anyways, the contractions were getting more painful plus the midwife suka laa tekan2 perut mase contractions tu.. geram betul rasa.. i'm not sure what was the time, but suddenly the bearable contractions felt too harsh and i felt like pushing. told dear hubby i cannot hold it anymore and he rushed out telling the nurses. masa tu mmg dh tak ingat apa dah and i had a hard time to focus on the nurses' instructions. but Alhamdulillah, all those moments felt like worth it when Aleesa Hannani was born, at 3.16 p.m. The rest is history...

So, that was my experience delivering my third princess. What happened in 2014? for me, apart of Aleesa Hannani was born, i dont really like 2014. a lot of things happened in 2014 that was not favorable to me. work sucks! the new management sucks! everything about work is sucks! though i love my job but the ppl is getting ntahapa-hapa.. especially the management and the bosses yang takde pendirian. the good boss semua quit.. yang tinggal semua yang jenis pandai mengipas. how la like that? so, during my maternity leave ni, i want to send our resumes.. hoping for new future in the new year. i hope when i read this post again next year, i'll be smiling contently.. personal wise, 2014 was indeed a challenging year. mostly about financial. byk duit keluar untuk rumah. with the fuel price increased, our monthly budget distorted. plus our maid for 5 years pun dah tak ada, leaving the preggy me at that time to work extra in order to maintain the house and to make sure everything is in order. penat tak payah cakap laa.. mencabar sungguh.. sampai kekadang tu bila negativity menguasai akal & fikiran, i was hoping i was not pregnant at that time.. because i hate to feel confined in my pregnancy. but i made it.. Alhamdulillah.. stress & penat macamana sekalipun, my baby grew healthily.. and now, looking at Aleesa Hannahi's face, rase menyesal lak to have that kind of feeling mase pregnant that day.. i'm so sorry sayang.. ibu sayang anak ibu... 

2015.. if last year, i celebrated the end of 2013 and welcoming 2014 dgn meriahnya, this time around, takde ape pun.. with flood condtion yang teruk, with the 3rd plane crash in a year, with new baby lagi.. nothing to be celebrated pun (except for the new baby). i have feelings that 2015 will be more challenging but as Allah said, 

 "Oleh itu, maka (tetapkanlah kepercayaanmu) bahawa sesungguhnya tiap-tiap kesukaran disertai kemudahan, Bahawa sesungguhnya tiap-tiap kesukaran disertai kemudahan"

I've seen it, experienced it. Sesungguhnya janji Allah itu benar. so, have faith! :) 


by azellica at 02:56 pm
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Friday, February 28, 2014

So, we went to Langkawi on 14 Feb - 17 Feb. It was a great one since this was the first time we went for holidays just 4 of us. Booked the flight tickets few months ago and after months of planning and researching (macam laa tak pernah pegi langkawi before.. ), on valentine's day morning, we took off to Langkawi.

Friday, 14 Feb 2014

Flight agak delay, so we arrived about 1/2 hour late. at the airport, freshened up and waited for the car. at first i oredered to rent a vios, but few days before that, they told me that the only have mazda2. the car was ok, bersih & in good condition. I was very satisfied with the price since after a lot of googling, renting the car from this guy is the cheapest. I got the mazda 2 for less than RM240 for 3 days. berbaloi-baloi! nak deal pun senang.. call, pastu masukkan deposit RM50, pastu bagitau nak kereta ape, mase sampai & bertolak balik, kat mana.. and then he'll reply kate ok.. on the D-day, dapat kete, bayar baki payment and go.. anyways, tu semua happens if pegi bukan mase cuti skolah.. else, mmg susah bebenor nak call this guy sebab dia tak angkat call.. huhuu.. bz la tu agaknye.. so, after dapat kereta, our first destination was cari tempat lunch. en. hasben bawak pegi makan kat Jom Ikan Bakar. sedap foods dia.. mmg ramai pun yang suggest this place. a lot of lauk pauk & of course - segala yang boleh di"bakar".. ikan, ayam, lamb, sotong.. sedap!  bila dah kenyang, we went to Oriental villange.. ape lagi kalau tak naik cable car. aktiviti wajib if ke langkawi. both princesses were ok and behaved all the way there. really enjoyed the view up on the mountain. luckily the bridge was closed for maintenance.. else, semput nak bawak the girls turun naik the steep stairs to the bridge. kalau tak pegi, rase macam tak lengkap la pulak.. so, i felt realived it was closed.  around 4-ish p.m, we arrived at our chalet at The Dawn langkawi. a very,very nice place. kawasan dia bersih and well maintained, the room was clean, the facilities were working well. cuma takde mini fridge je.. kalau ade tu, rasenye that place was the perfect place to stay in langkawi. we got our room right in front of the swimming pool. sampai bilik, rehat jap, terus terjun dalam kolam. ade 1 family renting the homestay and another few chalets.. kirenye, they are our jiran sepanjang kat langkawi mase tu. after Maghrib, went out to Hj Ramli restoran at Pantai chenang for dinner. It was nice although towards the end of the dinner, aqeelah hani decided to throw her tantrum sampaikan ada orang bagi lolipop utk pujuk.. adeh!! malu ibu dibuatnye.. after dinner, terus balik chalet & settle down for the day..

Saturday, 15 Feb 2014

Went out scurring for breakfast around 9-ish. makan nasi lemak kat warung tepi jalan je, tapi makcik tu charged, macam makan kat KLCC!! well.. takdela semahal nasi lemak KLCC, but still.. mentang2 la we all ni pun "tourist", kene bayar ikut harga pelancong jugak la agaknye tu.. sabar jelah. after that, went to pantai chenang. promised arissa hannah to bring her to the beach as she wanted to build sand castle. a kinda boring activity for me and aqeelah.. well, tak kisahla berpanas pun, asalkan kakak happy. at noon, went back to chalet. went out again after washed up and rested for a while. had lunch at restaurant Gulai Mak Ngah. since en. hasben baru je bawak ppl frm LHDN there on november last year, he knew a lot of places to eat. sedap gulai ikan dia, macam makan kat rumah... dengan pinggan kaca bagai & lauk2 kampung. puashati la makan kat sana. after dah kenyang, next stop was Wildlife park. it was an interesting place actually.. somehow, since my daughters are "princesses", they didn't enjoy such place with no aircond, smelly (nama tempat pun, wildlife park...) and resembles a "hutan".. tak sampai separuh jalan, masing2 dh merengek.. takut laa.. panas laa.. penat laa.. macam2.. so, we had to cut short our trip there and headed back to our chalet. as usual, segala yang penat semua tu hilang bila tgk kolam. berendam dalam pool tu sampai la jari memasing kecut baru naik. that nite, we headed to EE burger reataurant in Kuah for dinner. if anyone asked me how was EE burger, i'd say.. so-so.. takdela sedap sangat pun sampai semua orang suggested that place. the "sirloin steak" was tough.. the chicken chop pun, biasa2 je.. kinda frustrated because i did the googling and that restaurant was suggested by so many ppl. so, i put high expectation for that. oh well, tekak orang lain2.. after dinner, went back to chalet..

Sunday, 16 Feb 2014

hmm.. serious i dont remember where did we had our breakfast. maybe we just had something light in the chalet and went straight to Underwater world. anyways, went to underwater world after being asked by hannah. since that place is airconditioned, both of them were happily walking around to see the fishes. nasib baik memasing behaved since the tix nak masuk tempat tu lagi mahal dari nak masuk Aquaria in KLCC. all in all, we left that place after almost 2 hours in there. next destination was kuah town to do some shopping. had lunch at KFC since we had no idea where to go for lunch. went in HIG shopping complex.. nice place to shop sebab dah besar and spacey. tapi, penatnye!!! the girls, bila dah penat memasing dh buat hal.. dengan bergaduhnye, itu ini.. last2 cuma beli ape yang nak dibeli je.. souvenir utk anak2 sedara & friends semua takde. next time la ye.. so, that nite we had dinner at Wonderland Seafood restaurant. cuak jugak memula sampai tu tgk semua bukan melayu kat situ. tapi bila teringat hasil kajian kat en. google, the owner is chinese muslim and the cooks are also muslim, so, teruskan juga dinner kat sana. the foods mmg superb!!! sedap & murah.. mmg puas hati makan kat sana. i think it will be our wajib restaurant to go if we were in langkawi again next time. cuma 1 je tak best, en.hasben buat mood tak best, so, it effected my mood jugak.. geram betul! masa2 ni laa dia nak buat muka monyok dia tu.. haish!! anyways, balik chalet, siap2 ape yg patut, terus tido tak sedar dah..


Monday, 17 Feb 2014

woke up early in the morning to continue packing. tetiba en. hasben tanye, periuk ajaib mak datin tak beli ke? i was like, what!!?? checked the receipt, mmg sah tak beli. so, rushed everything, checked out frm the chalet & off to Kuah town again. nasib baik HIG complex tu bukak pepagi. well, their opening hour starts at 9.30 a.m exactly. grabbed the pemanggang ajaib, paid & go. since we still have time before check in at the airport, sarapan dulu kat depan complex HIG tu. at the airport, something happened and i didnt know how to feel. so, i chose to not feeling anything and dont want to remember it. we took off at 12.20 p.m and arrived at KLIA some 1-ish in the afternoon. atok & nenek were waiting when we got out from the terminal. they drove us home safely & the rest was history...


can't wait for the next trip, which i dont know when & where yet. nak kene mengumpul duit lagi ni kalau nak pegi another trip. Insya Allah.

have a nice day, beautiful ppl!!


by azellica at 08:49 am
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Monday, January 06, 2014
Goodbye 2013, Hello 2014!!

6 January 2014

6 days after new year. 2013 went by swiftly. The were few significant things happened in 2013. Personal life, I've successfully bought a house. That was a big and challenging thing for me. Kinda like a milestone. Banyak kali hati terluka and kecewa dengan this person in order to do this. But what to do.. if i didnt do it, or initiated to do this, i wont get anything. so, with 100% help from mak, Alhamdulillah, the house is ours. Though I've wrote a "wasiat" already to him about the one and only asset I owned now. As of now, the house is still in progress. Tak kisahla, tak bayar ape2 pun kat bank selagi developer tak claim duit. tapi looking at the progress now, i think tak lama lagi BSN call la tu suruh bayar. hopefully by 2015, we can move to a house that we can call our own. no longer renting, or menumpang rumah mak ayah. Insya Allah.

End of September, Ijas & family flew to Newcastle to pursue her PHD. It was great thing for her but in the same time, the ppl she left here were missing them so much. Arissa Hannah including - missing her abang ameer. for few months she were saying that she misses her brother and asking why abang ameer has to go. pity her. dahla her bibik pun balik for good early this year.. but i know, she'll gets better with time.

work wise, i didnt know what's wrong with my PM. he suddenly has issues with me. being called to see him & the boss, and he was babbling about me not being commited with the project by always taking leaves.. hello!! if i was not committed, i wont be in this project for the whole 3 years!! i have 27 days of annual leave, that was why i can take so many days of leaves. but, i did what i was supposed to do, and did my best in all those. even my boss agreed. luckily the boss was understanding and regardless what the PM had to say about me, the one who finally evaluates my performance review is the boss - not the PM, and since he is happy with me, i dont have to worry about anything.

family wise, my parents' project in Temerloh kickstarted. Had meeting adik-beradik last weekend to discuss about the unforseen circumtances in the plan. things are tough especially when it's dealing with money and cashflow. there are high possibilities i have to sacrifice my big B to fund the project - which, i am willing to do it as long as mak doesnt have to worry about money.  but for now, let papalong handles it first until mak & ayah got their funding from somewhere. Hopefully this project will be successfully completed and ayah's dream to buy another lot of land behind our current house right now, diperkenankan olehNya.. Insya Allah.

Arissa Hannah & Aqeelah Hani - these 2 beautiful princesses are the best! sometimes i just wonder what good deed i did for having them as my daughters. they made me smile, they made me cry, i just cant live without them. really, really, really thankful for having these 2 clever, brilliant, beautiful, precious girls with me. Alhamdulillah.

anyways, our year end celebrations started on the last weekend in 2013. On saturday, 28/12 - went to temerloh to visit the project site. had a good trip with the siblings. while umi & family stayed for a night at Hawami's, me & papalong's family went back since atok was alone.


sunday, 29/12 - stayed home, cooked breakfast & lunch for the family.

monday, 30/12 - went to the curve to bring the kids to Jkids playground. it was fun for them. Went to Marche for lunch and resumed playing in the playground until hannah asked to go home. dah penat dah tu..

tuesday, 31/12 - went to Aquaria KLCC. it was nice to see all the weirdest and strangest creatures in the Aquaria, but since the kids penat, lapar & ngatuk, bile sampai kat bawah aquarium tu, memasing dh buat hal. went out and had late lunch at killiney's coffee. kakak tak sempat makan, dh tertido dalam stroller sebab penat. around 4 p.m, checked in in Impiana hotel. rested for a while before went to their swimming pool. it was nice since cuaca tak panas and berendam dalam pool berlatarbelakangkan KL's skyscraper. after freshened up, went to datin ema's house warming in Ampang. went back to the hotel and arrived just a few minutes before midnite. sempat la letak barang dlm bilik and turun semua pegi pool waiting for the fireworks. and after so long, my plan to watch the fireworks in the middle of KL was executed successfully. it was a nice moments and the kids were so happy with the show. loving every seconds of it!

wednesday, 1/1/14 - woke up early since the bffs are coming for breakfast together. at 9 a.m., went down to lobby to see leymah, mc ann & irma were chatting. ingatkan nak have the western breakfast in lvl 15, but the restaurant was full. so, we were ushered to level 1. around 10 a.m, kak wawa arrived. it was beautiful stater for a new year, spending time with these beautiful people i've known for 17 years. however, since everyone had their own commitment, around 11-ish everyone had to say goodbyes. went up to the room, packed our things, and checked out at 12.30 p.m.


after that, life is back to routine. and today is Arissa Hannah's first day to her new school in Little Caliph. She was determine from last nite to wear her yellow uniform & tudung and this morning, she was OK though it was obvious she was holding her feeling not to cry out. called her teacher just now, and Alhadulilah, she is fine.

so, what do i hope for 2014? i hope to be a better person - spiritually, mentally, physically and financially. i really need a strong will, determination and discipline to achieve all that. Insya Allah. i am 3^ years young this year.. sepatutnye dh kene tambah umat Nabi dah.. tapi..... hmmmmm... nanti dulula ye.. tunggu Aqeelah Hani besar sket..

feeling really good after writing all these in this 10 years blog of mine. from bujang trang-tang-tang, to dah kawen, to ada anak 2.. from working in pathetic company (and wondering to myself, what it takes to be P3tronas staff?) until i am a P3tronas staff now.. this blog keeps all my stories and histories..

till i write again.. have a nice day, beautiful ppl!!

by azellica at 01:59 pm
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Wednesday, March 06, 2013

15 february that day, went to sastama sdn bhd to pay the booking fee for the house i really wanted. all the documentations for banks are also submitted. i have 2 ways of buying the house. first, the conventional way - loan from banks. second way.. it was mak's idea. she wanted to re-use whatever we have and buy the house in cash. to do that, she wants me to re-finance our kedai in cheras. and the money will go to the house. end of the day, i have both kedai & house. tapi utk buat semua ni, kene tunggu mak ayah balik from umrah first. really hope everything will be smooth.. aaamiinn..

tomorrow is arissa hannah's 3rd birthday. she is a big girl now. am so proud of her. i'm planning to celebrate their birthdays on 10 march nanti. banyak bende nak kene beli nih.. kek & their dresses dh beli.. tapi bahan2 nak masak semua still tak cukup lagi.. pheww!! rase cam tak cukup jek duit ni.. hahha

anyways, i've successfully deleted the page yg sesuka hati nak mendirect blog orang gi website diaorang.. congrates me!!

have a nice day, beautiful ppl!!

by azellica at 04:37 pm
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Friday, February 08, 2013
i'm not quite sure how to say, how i feel..

2013.. lama sungguh tak menulis kat sini. life is as usual. aqeelah hani pun dah nak setahun dah. arissa hannah dh almost 3 years. hari ni tetiba rase macam nak tulis something kat sini. more on meluahkan rasa hati sebenarnye.

tiket utk bibik dah beli tadi. sayu je rase hati ni. 3 tahun dia ngan we all - sejak hannah lahir. mmg la dia tak perfect, tapi dia sayang hannah & aqeelah. dia sorang je yg sabar melayan hannah. even ibu & ayah pun kekadang tak sabar ngan karenah arissa hannah. tak tau macamana lepas ni. a new change in life.. kalau ade bibik baru, really hope she can tolerate with my kids.

anyways.. dah sebulan lebih tahun 2013.. what was happening in 2012? aqeelah hani was born. that was the most significant event. yg lenlain, nothing changed. work as usual.. still in the same project. but at different level from other project mate. i'm not sure wheather i was separated because "someone" wanted me out from his sight, or they really wanted to give me the "freedom" to do what i want. positively thinking, i want to accept the later one.. oh well.. kinda lonely down here, but somehow i like it.. my KPI still the same.. i just need to be more proactive - my boss said. need to give a thought to that.

i dont remember what was my resolution in 2012.. or, do i have one? ntahla.. this year, i want to buy something big. i want to buy a house. actually, that is the plan for next year.. tapi bile dgr semua orang beli rumah, rase nak beli rumah tu datang meluap2.. but each time tgk harga rumah, rase cam nak nangis. until one day, saw a signboard mase nak pegi visit kakwa kat hospital putrajaya.. it was 1st of february. the price is quite reasonable. it is a single storey semi-d house and it is perfect! however, i know there will be lot of challenges for me.. knowing myself. i was not born with a good luck.. but so far, Alhamdulillah - my life is not that bad. anyways, next week nak gi bayar booking and hopefully, by end of next year, the house dah siap.

looking ahead, sometimes i feel scared and sometimes clueless. sometimes i feel i have no one to lean on. i have to think and plan and execute for future - my family's future. and i feel alone. i know this is my negativity's talking.. but it is exhausted to be positive. being positive is like denying what is real right now.. Ya Allah.. kuatkan la semangat hambaMu ini.... Rabbi Yassir wala tu'assir... ya Allah, permudahkanla semuanya..  ameen..

have a good day, beautiful ppl!! 

by azellica at 03:54 pm
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Thursday, April 12, 2012
welcoming Aqeelah Hani

It has been a month and 2 days since Aqeelah Hani was born. kekadang still macam rase tak caya azell ada 2 daughters now - within 2 years and after being married for 3 years. Alhamdulillah, rezeki Allah nak bagi. so far, things are OK with her. Arissa Hannah pun dh bleh adapt the situation where my attentions cannot be hers 100%. kesian jugak kat dia.. but she needs to learn. and she's learning well.

this time around, i was "forced" to deliver sebab Aqeelah dah nearly 4 kg mase 37, dr. kham asked me to choose a date to be induced. being a gynae yg very keen with normal delivery, dia nak jugak aqeelah to be delivered normal. kalau nak tunggu lama lagi, aqeelah akan lagi membesar and percentage for me to deliver her normally akan kurang. since i've successfully delivered a 4 kg baby previously, dr. kham was confident i can do it again. so, at 38 weeks, 9 march 2012, urs truly pun pegi la menyerah diri kat HPAN. if not, dr. kham suruh dtg lg awal, but i want the time to spend with arissa hannah on her 2nd birthday - 7 March, tu yang 9 march baru pegi serah diri. pagi tu siap sarapan maggi & nasi lemak lagi.. sebab kalau dah bersalin nanti, takleh dah makan semua2 tu.. at 11 a.m, the midwife dtg utk masukkan ubat to induce labor. bile tanye nurse kat situ, they said after 5-6 hours baru bleh rasa effect ubat tu. so, sementara tu, melangut la azell dalam bilik wad sensorang. dear hubby on off ada sebab he has to take care hannah yg tak baper sihat that day. dalam pukul 6 ptg, baru terasa contraction sesikit. since the pains are not that painful, so, relax jelah. malam tu dr. kham dtg to check the opening. dh 3 cm. she said she'll break the air ketuban esok pagi. that nite, tido ngan sakit contractions yg still bearable.

10 March 12 - as early as 6.30 a.m, the nurse woke me up. she said dr. kham is on her way and asked me to get ready sooner. lepas solat, nurse dtg nak masukkan ubat buang air besar. after everything settle, i was pushed to labor room. they installed pitocin drip into my vein. pitocin will strenghten the contractions thus, mempercepatkan bukaan. at 8.30 a.m, dr. kham sampai and checked my opening. still 3 c.m and she asked the nurse to increase the dosage every 1/2 hour. lepas pecahkan air ketuban and briefed me what is going on (baby dah berak sket, tapi her heartbeat still ok, minta maaf ngan hasben to ease the delivery, jangan lupa doa & zikir masa sakit, kalau baby takde masalah, dia akan turun sendiri & she estimated paling lama is 7 hours) dr. kham left. dear hubby pun keluar pegi sarapan, leaving me alone in the labor room. the midwife told me if kalau rasa macam nak buang air, call the nurses. so, from 9 a.m, i was applying my breathing technique menahan sakit. at first it was ok and the pains are bearable. but after an hour, cannot take it anymore.. berpeluh2 dah walaupun dlm bilik tu sejuk sebenarnye. nasib baik dear hubby dh ada balik and told him i cannot hold it. he called for the midwife and when she checked, dh bukak 6 cm. dalam menahan sakit tu, i was aware with everyone yg busy preparing for the labor.. installing tempat letak kaki, lapik tilam and everything.. masa tu macam dh tak tau nak buat camana dah.. teknik pernafasan pun ntah kemana, teknik konsentrasi pun dh takleh nak apply.. sakit woo!!!! tak lama lepas tu, dr. kham sampai and the battle begins.. at 10.56, Aqeelah Hani was born!! weighted 4.2 kg. Alhamdulillah.. walaupun dia lagi besar dari kakak dia (beza 50 gram), tapi dr. kham cakap this time around lagi senang. maybe because i've experienced before and i was prepared and ready. dear hubby siap amik video lagi.. punyalah "prepared".. and i think the breathing technique really helps. after everything settle & the nurse jabbed me with ubat tido, i still can make some calls. at 12 p.m, i was pushed back into my ward and slept peacefully.. the rest, is history.

now, aqeelah hani dah sebulan. she is such an easy baby.. nangis mase nak susu jek.. if everything is ok, dia diam jelah walaupun tak tido.. terkebil2 sensorang..

now she's awake. gotta go now. have a nice day, beautiful ppl!!!


by azellica at 03:06 pm
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Wednesday, January 04, 2012
Goodbye 2011, Hello 2012!!

Happy new year to all beautiful ppl!! (though i'm not sure ade lagi tak beautiful ppl yg baca blog bersawang ni..)

dah 4 hari 2011 berlalu. nothing much to reminisce in 2011. life as usual. mundane with the same routine. work wise, successfully completed Phase 1 of the project. sungguh challenging! dgn PM yg ntahapa2.. ngan project team yg ntahapa2 jugak. pening! but somehow, i survived. ingatkan after phase 1 completed, i can transfer to another project. sungguh tak sanggup nak stay for phase 2, but somehow, things happened differently. seemed like my fate mmg with the project. so, back to the same haywire project to continue phase 2. well,  what doesn't kill  u, makes u stronger, right? so, the project did not kill me though a lot of things happened that made me feel like to scream. after sometimes, i've absorbed all the bad things and able to face the reality in more appropriate way. congrates me!

personal wise, had this plan to conceive a sister/brother to arissa hannah. but the plan was actually planned to be executed after my birthday - October onwards. somehow.. had a great vacation with dear hubby & daugther at swiss garden lumut in the middle of June. a month after that, cannot help but to do a pregnancy test which gave me the result instantly - positive!! haish! terawal la pulak.. anyways, rezeki Tuhan nak bagi, Alhamdulillah.. so, hannah will get a sister for her 2nd birthday nanti. ok la tu, 2 tahun gap jugak.. :D

we moved back to my parents house in dengkil. no more staying in sri petaling. after almost 3 years, we've decided to let go the house. reason being, with a new baby coming, we dont trust to leave both hannah & her baby sister with our maid alone in the house after i get back to work and we dont want to pay the house rent for nothing - like we did after hannah was born. it was a sad decision indeed. though i'm not a big fan to that house, but it was a house both me & dear hubby lived in after we got married. it was our love nest. where we lived our own life - away from my parents and other family members. and dear hubby has completed the house with everything a wife could ask. everything! it was the house where i detected my both pregnancies. it was a very small house (compared to my parents house) but it was our first house. sad.. everytime i went there to pack and move our stuff, my heart was miserable. until now, i still feel miserable..

new year's eve.. cooked mushroom soup for breakfast. had no mood to go out and watch bunga api plus hannah was already asleep. so spent the nite in bed with dear hubby. he cooked maggi-dalam-cawan and we had it in our dimmed room. nice.. well, better than the previous year.

1st Jan 2012 - something bad happened in the family. am thankful i was not there to witness the incident, but it did make my mind & heart disturbed. and until now, when i think back of what was happening and wonder what will happen in the future, i am scared. it has been 4 days i've been crying inside out. suddenly i'm not sure how our future will be. but i really hope all these will pass.. like always. i love everyone but if something happen (Na'uzubillah), i'll be hating someone very, very, very much. and this hatred will not only effect me, but ppl around me. i know life is a circle and we had our "up" time where everyone is happy, but i'm not ready if this year will be our "down" time. oh well, i hope it is only me who think nonsensically. like what dear hubby always said "ibu ni suka fikir bebukan.. ". 

anyways, as for now, i am 28 weeks pregnant, the project has Go-Live quite successfully, moved all our stuff to dengkil, arissa hannah will be enrolled to playgroup starting from 7 Jan and apart from the incident on 1st Jan, everything seems fine and smooth.

Ya Allah, panjangkanlah umur kami, berikan kami kesihatan yg baik dan kekalkan kebahagian kami di dunia dan akhirat.. amin..

Really hope all the dugaan tahun baru will be over soon and everything will back to normal. Insya Allah.

Have a nice day & great year ahead, beautiful ppl!! 



by azellica at 01:05 pm
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Tuesday, March 08, 2011
Happy Birthday!!

to my dearest Arissa Hannah. She is 1 year old now. cepat sangat masa berlalu. Ingat lagi tahun lepas masa dia lahir, the best weekend in my life so far.. lagi best dari kawen ari tu.. hahha.. tapi serius, walaupun sakit, penat, ngantuk & 1001 macam lagi, having her with me is like .. wordless! sampai skarang & forever, she is the best thing that ever been mine. looking at her, rasa bersyukur sangat because she is mine. totally mine! huhuu.. skarang dia dh setahun. perangai pun makin banyak. and soo bijak.. really miss her everytime.

skarang ni banyak bende yg dia dh bleh buat. walaupun takleh berjalan lagi, tapi asyik nak berdiri jelah keje dia skarang. each time ayah dia dukung, mesti lambai semua orang & ckp "bah baai...". cute! for her, ibu is "aah..bbbuuu".. cuma ayah jek yg dia sebut eloknye..yelah.. anak ayah la katekan. Hannah ni, nampak jek cam baik. taapi, dont mess with her. selalu la gaduh ngan abang ameer dia berebut toys. abang ameer jerit, dia pun jerit jugak. ni rasenye kalau dia dh pandai jalan, sure kene kejar abang ameer kat rumah tu. banyak la bende baru yg dia buat each day. dari first day dia lahir sampai hari ni, i always proud of her.  

anyways, we held her birthday makan2 at kebun atok & nenek on sunday, 6 march that day. saje jelah nak gather with everyone. i cooked spageti, potato salad, bbq ayam & ikan. it was nice. simple event but satisfiying. aunty cekya & aunty wtl sponsored the marvellous carrot cheesecake. *thanks darlings!*. banyak la jugak hadiah yang hannah dapat. sepanjang kat kebun, as usual dia baik jek tak merengek. makan jek semua bende yang disuap. sekali jek dia menangis kuat. tu pun sebab jatuh basikal sampai lebam dahi. the rest of the day, dia happy2 jek with everyone.

on her birthday itself, spent the whole day with her. it was nice. bergolek2 atas tilam sambil dia ngenpeng cara freestyle dia tuh... oh, i'm so in love with my baby, who is a toddler now.

Arissa Hannah, selamat hari lahir, sayang. Ibu & ayah sayang Arissa Hannah and will always pray for you to be anak ibu & ayah yang baik, bijak, rajin, berani, sihat, happy, kuat, sabar, solehah dah berjaya dunia & akhirat.. Insya Allah..

have a nice day, beautiful ppl!!

by azellica at 01:55 pm
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Monday, January 03, 2011
baby, u r fireworks...

goodbye 2010, hello 2011!!

maybe it's not too late for this entry.. baru 3 hari in 2011 anyways..

so, ada apa dengan 2010? nothing much, tapi sungguh significant. the most significant one is of course, birth of Arissa Hannah on 7 march 10. tepat on her EDD. pastu pengalaman first time berpantang yang sungguh tak best. dengan tangan sakit kiri & kanan sampai nak angkat hannah pun tak boleh. sedih sangat mase tu. kebetulan, maid pun takde, so, tinggal la sensorang ngan baby kecik kat rumah tu. mak & ayah pegi kedai with ameer. dear hubby gi keje.. urs truly ni la dengan terkial2 nak uruskan hannah kalau dia nangis ke, tukar diaper ke.. dengan tangan yg sakit.. dahla mase tu hannah tak reti nak latch on mase breastfeed. so, kene pam & panaskan susu each time dia menjerit lapar. mase tu, kepala ni macam takde pk lain, risau.. takut.. seriau.. semua ade. tu la orang kate pompuan lepas bersalin takleh stress2 kot.. mahu meroyan. tapi Alhamdulillah.. after few weeks, things got better.. dah tak risau kalau hannah menangis ke, ape ke... kalau tak, even hari nak hujan pun azell dh berdebar2 takut.. apetah lagi satu hari tu ade ular masuk rumah.. giler menggigil sbb mase tu mmg sensorang.. terus tepon ayah kat kedai & duduk dalam bilik kunci pintu rapat2.. sampai skarang still rase trauma & bleh terbayang2 ular tu atas meja kat ruang tamu.. Na'uzubillah! tapi, tu semua citer dulu2.. pengalaman berpantang anak sulung. rase macam best sangat bile dh cukup 44 days. and now, hannah pun dah besar & bijak. dah macam2 perangai dia.. geram sungguh tgk dia kalau dia buat perangai cute dia tu..

dalam tahun 2010, pak ngah & mak su meninggal.. selang sebulan jek. Arwah pak ngah mmg selalu sakit. so, everyone dah prepared. but arwah mak su meninggal mengejut. since mase tu hannah still kecik & azell baru jek habis pantang, so, we didnt go to visit both arwah. sedih sangat mase tu, especially bila tahu mak su meninggal. terus terbayang muka dia yang sebijik muka mak (but she's prettier). Al-Fatihah to both pak ngah & mak su..

jun 2010, my baby sister got married. huhu.. the last wedding in the family. akhirnya ayah & mak bleh tarik nafas lega sebab semua anak2 dia dah kawen. skarang ni, kalau semua orang ade kat rumah, penuh depan rumah tu ngan kete and lagi meriah rumah kalau semua orang berkumpul. best!

hmm... ape lagi yek? work wise, nothing much happen.. secured myself in new big financial project with lots of problem from start until now. PM pun dh bertukar and tendering process is still on going. first push factor i got frm the company setakat ni. let see how tahun 2011 ni, if the push factor still occurs, need to find another alternative seriously.

anyways, 2010 is indeed a balanced year. the best & the bad (not the worst laa).. really hope 2011 will bring more best things into my life and all of us. Insya Allah.

have a blessed & wonderful 1431 & 2011, beautiful ppl!!


by azellica at 03:26 pm
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Just call me: Azell
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